To love means letting go

It's not easy being Human. So many emotions, so many desires, one feels burdened by such feelings. But human we are. So, alongwith all the plus points - intelligence, social skills,...... - we also have our negative points - fear of things we do not understand, hatred, revenge, jealousy, love,....- yes LOVE.

People around the world say that to fall in love is one of the greatest things. To an extent it's true. We love our family. We love our friends. We love our pets. Such love is the fairer side of the coin. But the darker side is the one where we meet that one person,who causes a tsunami of emotions in our heart.

All our lives,whether consciously or unconsciously, we search for that one person who will love us for who we are. Respect us for what we are. We search to see those eyes that light up on seeing us. We search for that one person who is willing to get scorched by the fires of hell, in order to save us. But honestly, how many of us do find that sort of love? Wait. The better question would be - How many of us recognise the person we are actually meant to be with?

Everyday we meet hundreds of people. Anyone of them could be our soulmate. We might even walk past our soulmate and not even recognise them.

There are legends that say that each person has many soulmates. Since we are all from that single cosmic force, each is a part of the other. But when the case is such, how can we know whether the one we are in love with is THE soulmate for us? Many things happen in our lives that often forces us to feel that the one we are infatuated with now, is THE ONE.

I once fell in love with a person who seemed the most beautiful,responsible person in the world. That person seemed to like me. But, we all know things can't be that good for all of us. My beloved flirted with every available member of the opposite sex. This is in an ordinary sense too much to bear for anyone. But imagine having to see it everyday for two years in a row. Dear God, was I hurt. I had given that person my heart. My soul.

There are times in life when one must chose. One must decide whether our feelings are real or not. In other words. a crush or true love. But there comes a time or two in life, when we cannot seem to make up our mind. Our feelings for that person border true love. Yet we are unsure. We do everything in our power to make them happy. Especially in subtle ways. We accept them as who they are, not wanting them to change for us. We are happiest in their company. be it sitting next to them, holding their hand, or sitting away from them in the shadows, watching them behind hooded eyes.

That was the case with me. No, I was not the one holding my beloved's hand. I was the one who was sitting in the shadows.

Then came the time of reckoning for me. I had to chose whether to hold on to my beloved or to let go. I chose to let go.

True, all my dreams and desires were dashed against the mountain of moving on. But the catalyst for such a choice was the doubt of being accepted by the one I loved. True, there were times and situations when I felt my dear love would reciprocate my feelings. But what was I to do? I was alone and unsure. Besides, there was the flirtatious posse.

But I do not begrudge my love happiness. I want my beloved to be happy. Even now I sit wondering, does my beloved ever think of me at all?

You know what? It doesn't matter. Not anymore. After all, to love means letting go.

AGNI